By far the biggest challenge I have had to face so far as a doctor is the amount of time I have to spend away from my family. I love my job, but when I come home I try to leave my work at the hospital. Several weeks ago I had to start studying for step 3 of my boards. I tried to study at the hospital as much as I could (between appointments, standing in line at the cafeteria, waiting for the elevator, etc...) but as the test got closer I had to start studying at home too. A few days before the test I was spending every waking minute studying. I knew it was hard on both me and my family, but I didn't realize just how hard until Brooklyn made it clear. I was in my office taking a practice test and I could hear something just outside the door. I didn't think anything of it at the time and went back to studying, but when I finished the test 45 minutes later I stood up to take a break. As I opened the door I looked down and saw Brooklyn lying on the ground with a pillow and blanket. I asked her what she was doing and she said (in her sad little 3 year old voice) "Just waiting for you to be done studying". I felt horrible. She had been lying quietly on the hard ground for over 45 minutes without making a sound because she knew that she wasn't supposed to be bothering me. It just about broke my heart. I couldn't help but pick her up and snuggle on the couch, her favorite thing to do.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Brooklyn Made Me Cry
By far the biggest challenge I have had to face so far as a doctor is the amount of time I have to spend away from my family. I love my job, but when I come home I try to leave my work at the hospital. Several weeks ago I had to start studying for step 3 of my boards. I tried to study at the hospital as much as I could (between appointments, standing in line at the cafeteria, waiting for the elevator, etc...) but as the test got closer I had to start studying at home too. A few days before the test I was spending every waking minute studying. I knew it was hard on both me and my family, but I didn't realize just how hard until Brooklyn made it clear. I was in my office taking a practice test and I could hear something just outside the door. I didn't think anything of it at the time and went back to studying, but when I finished the test 45 minutes later I stood up to take a break. As I opened the door I looked down and saw Brooklyn lying on the ground with a pillow and blanket. I asked her what she was doing and she said (in her sad little 3 year old voice) "Just waiting for you to be done studying". I felt horrible. She had been lying quietly on the hard ground for over 45 minutes without making a sound because she knew that she wasn't supposed to be bothering me. It just about broke my heart. I couldn't help but pick her up and snuggle on the couch, her favorite thing to do.
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3 comments:
Too sad! I keep hoping that next year is going to be easier.
Just keep telling yourself that Stephanie, and let's hope it's true.
That is the sweetest story. It made me tear up too. We all have our moments (even stay at home Moms) where we feel broken hearted for the times we can't do the things we want to for our kids. With 4 kids I suffer guilt all the time at what I used to do when we just had one or two kids.
When I went to work temporarily to help out with the finances, our little Baila who was only one year old, wouldn't talk to me or snuggle when I got home from work. She was ticked and let me know it! One day we were going to the park and all getting ready. She told Travis "not Mommy." It's funny to look back at it now but I felt terrible that it affected her that much.
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